Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
