Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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