haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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