I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
