I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
sex in a hospital.. check
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
