I will die if light touches me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
