I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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