Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
