You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
