He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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