Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK