I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME