Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible