I just saw a hot homeless man
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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