dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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