What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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