how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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