Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
