sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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