I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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