I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
