The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
