I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
