No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
