If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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