I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
