I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
