If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
