I heard we made out
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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