U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
