i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
