Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
