Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
