I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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