i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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