his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
