My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
