She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
