i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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