she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
