Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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