Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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