I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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