she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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