found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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