Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
