Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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