and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
