My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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