I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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