Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
