1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
