So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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