He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
