I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
