Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
