I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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