I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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