How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
