wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
