you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
