Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
