Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
