She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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