I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
