her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
