I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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