The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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