4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
